The Stare …
Prediction: This is an entry that’s going to upset more than a person or two, but that’s OK.
When I first started writing this blog, I feared that I would run out of “material” to write about rather soon. After all, how many interesting topics are there to write about that are informative, useful, and at least a bit captivating?
After spending some time reading the foreign travel and “Move to a Foreign Country” message boards, I’m convinced I’ll have some great material for many years to come!
It might not be about Italy directly, but about how non-Italians react to the differences in culture when spending time in, or moving to, Italy.
Here’s just one example …
Italians are a curious lot. They’re also a confident lot. When was the last time you met an introverted Italian? Think hard. See what I mean?
They will, man, woman, or child, “check you out” with an unbreakable, unembarrassed, stare.
Many non-Italians are thrown off by this.
In the US, a stare like one sees in Italy would be grounds for assaulting someone, as in, “Judge, the guy kept staring at me, so I beat his a%%.”
I’d love to know when this started. Probably about the time we were convinced by fast food advertisers that we needed everything in life “our way” or that “[we] deserve a break today”. Just because we’re us.
The “Me” generation(s). The “selfish” generation(s).
In Italy, the stare is an art form. It’s usually (I’d say 100% of the time) a stare and review of fashion and beauty – they’re interested in how you’re put together, what you’re wearing, how you’re “shaped”, and your physical appearance.
It’s not lewd. It’s not (meant to be) rude. It’s not surreptitious. It’s just a stare. Think of it as a stare of appreciation.
Get used to it, because it’s a part of Italian culture that I am certain will never change. And, I hope it doesn’t. It makes life so much easier. We see a beautiful woman or handsome man in a café; we can look to our heart’s content without fear of: 1) assault; 2) chastisement; 3) ostrification. We won’t be beaten up, we won’t be reprimanded, we won’t be looked upon as heathens. Heck, we might even get a smile back at us to brighten our day. So what’s wrong with that?
But, one must “do” this stare like Italians. It’s a stare like one would use looking at a fine painting in a museum. It’s not the stare of the slovenly drunk jerk at the bar in America when anything with two legs and two X chromosomes walks into the joint. It is a stare of appreciation of beauty, style, carriage, curiosity. Period.
What’s entertaining to me is how unnerving this stare is to some non-Italians, and how they’re unwilling, unable, or just too ignorant to realize that it’s a cultural thing that they’re not going to change. Moreover, they shouldn’t try because if they do, they run the risk of appearing to be a “brutto Americano” (Ugly American) or “brutto starnieri” (Ugly Foreigner).
Some example comments (about staring) from the public domain, paraphrased to protect the guilty:
“An elbow to the ribs plus a stomp on the toes will fix this. When word gets out, people will be crossing the street to miss you.”
Way to spread the love …
“I always feel self-conscious when people stare at me and everyone stares in Italy ... I'm like walking eye candy.”
Whose problem is this?
“I’ve been in Italy 5 years and I still can't stand the stares. There is nothing I hate more than stares because it’s like I'm naked in public.”
Can’t stand it? Go home.
“ … my husband got into an argument with two men who stared at me for long periods while we were having dinner. Have any of you been stared at to the point of feeling very uncomfortable or a bit frightened?”
Lucky he wasn’t arrested.
The interesting thing about these snippets is that they are “all about me” comments. I feel self conscious, I can’t stand it, I feel like …
Good for you! But who cares?
It’s just is the way it is in Italy, and even if all foreign visitors and ex-pats decided to band together and protest staring, it wouldn’t change.
Fine to comment on it as a warning about the cultural difference to someone who may be traveling there for the first time, but please stop the incessant whining about it. There are things we all dislike about life that we can’t change. Accept it and move on. Keep bitching about it and you’ll forever be seen as an outsider and miss trading some deep, wonderful memories with Italians.
I say, get over it. Or, get into it.
When in Rome … or please stay home …
When I first started writing this blog, I feared that I would run out of “material” to write about rather soon. After all, how many interesting topics are there to write about that are informative, useful, and at least a bit captivating?
After spending some time reading the foreign travel and “Move to a Foreign Country” message boards, I’m convinced I’ll have some great material for many years to come!
It might not be about Italy directly, but about how non-Italians react to the differences in culture when spending time in, or moving to, Italy.
Here’s just one example …
Italians are a curious lot. They’re also a confident lot. When was the last time you met an introverted Italian? Think hard. See what I mean?
They will, man, woman, or child, “check you out” with an unbreakable, unembarrassed, stare.
Many non-Italians are thrown off by this.
In the US, a stare like one sees in Italy would be grounds for assaulting someone, as in, “Judge, the guy kept staring at me, so I beat his a%%.”
I’d love to know when this started. Probably about the time we were convinced by fast food advertisers that we needed everything in life “our way” or that “[we] deserve a break today”. Just because we’re us.
The “Me” generation(s). The “selfish” generation(s).
In Italy, the stare is an art form. It’s usually (I’d say 100% of the time) a stare and review of fashion and beauty – they’re interested in how you’re put together, what you’re wearing, how you’re “shaped”, and your physical appearance.
It’s not lewd. It’s not (meant to be) rude. It’s not surreptitious. It’s just a stare. Think of it as a stare of appreciation.
Get used to it, because it’s a part of Italian culture that I am certain will never change. And, I hope it doesn’t. It makes life so much easier. We see a beautiful woman or handsome man in a café; we can look to our heart’s content without fear of: 1) assault; 2) chastisement; 3) ostrification. We won’t be beaten up, we won’t be reprimanded, we won’t be looked upon as heathens. Heck, we might even get a smile back at us to brighten our day. So what’s wrong with that?
But, one must “do” this stare like Italians. It’s a stare like one would use looking at a fine painting in a museum. It’s not the stare of the slovenly drunk jerk at the bar in America when anything with two legs and two X chromosomes walks into the joint. It is a stare of appreciation of beauty, style, carriage, curiosity. Period.
What’s entertaining to me is how unnerving this stare is to some non-Italians, and how they’re unwilling, unable, or just too ignorant to realize that it’s a cultural thing that they’re not going to change. Moreover, they shouldn’t try because if they do, they run the risk of appearing to be a “brutto Americano” (Ugly American) or “brutto starnieri” (Ugly Foreigner).
Some example comments (about staring) from the public domain, paraphrased to protect the guilty:
“An elbow to the ribs plus a stomp on the toes will fix this. When word gets out, people will be crossing the street to miss you.”
Way to spread the love …
“I always feel self-conscious when people stare at me and everyone stares in Italy ... I'm like walking eye candy.”
Whose problem is this?
“I’ve been in Italy 5 years and I still can't stand the stares. There is nothing I hate more than stares because it’s like I'm naked in public.”
Can’t stand it? Go home.
“ … my husband got into an argument with two men who stared at me for long periods while we were having dinner. Have any of you been stared at to the point of feeling very uncomfortable or a bit frightened?”
Lucky he wasn’t arrested.
The interesting thing about these snippets is that they are “all about me” comments. I feel self conscious, I can’t stand it, I feel like …
Good for you! But who cares?
It’s just is the way it is in Italy, and even if all foreign visitors and ex-pats decided to band together and protest staring, it wouldn’t change.
Fine to comment on it as a warning about the cultural difference to someone who may be traveling there for the first time, but please stop the incessant whining about it. There are things we all dislike about life that we can’t change. Accept it and move on. Keep bitching about it and you’ll forever be seen as an outsider and miss trading some deep, wonderful memories with Italians.
I say, get over it. Or, get into it.
When in Rome … or please stay home …
posted by Mark Pukita | 7:59 AM
1 Comments:
Which is the worse and the best stare you got in your italian experience ?
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